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This programme
contains strong language

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ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

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<font color="

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Hey, Stewart.

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I hear you're a homosexual now.

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Good on you, lad.

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Thank you.

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Ee, I've heard you're gay, Stewart.

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I'm made up for your, pet.

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<font color="
a bit of bum fun.

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Hello?

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Hello?

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That's weird.

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Keith?

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Keith?

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ALL: Surprise!

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Happy coming out party!
<font color="

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Oh! Ooh!

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Ah! Oh!

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Sick! Ow!

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Yay!

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PARTY POPPER BANGS

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Why?

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Imma be a supermodel.

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<font color="

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It's a bit sore,
to be honest, Mam.

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Why didn't you just duck out
the way of the cork, Stewart?

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Not really sure.

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I've never known someone
with such piss-poor reflexes.

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Ee, remember Janice, who drove over
<font color="

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Oh, yeah. Well, I went to her 50th
a couple of months ago.

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Someone popped a champagne cork
right into her ear.

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It was stuck in there
for a week, apparently.

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She can't catch a break,
<font color="

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Do you remember when she got wedged
under that caravan

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at her engagement party?
Poor cow.

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Oh, for fuck's sake!

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The prosecco went all
over the floor.

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Thanks very much, Stewart.
<font color="

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Hang on. I might have something
in my office.

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BRB.

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Thank God for that.
Hiya, lads. Sorry I'm late.

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ALL: Hiya, Sal.

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Where have you been, chick?
I had to pick up Andrea.

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<font color="

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Oh! Oh, hello, little rabbit.
Nice to meet you.

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You know Mel, who played guitar
for me at Pride?

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Yeah. Lovely Mel. Well, she's popped
to Majorca for a week,

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<font color="

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Aww. Right, who wants a drink?

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DICKIE: Oh, yeah.
What is it, Keith.

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Home brew. I fermented it myself.

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Oh, how long for? 37 years.

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There you go.

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<font color="

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Would your little rabbit friend
like a drink?

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Nah, she's teetotal, Keith.

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Ah, right. There you go, son.

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For my brave little gay warrior.

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We're all so proud of you.

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I mean, physically, you might be
<font color="

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but mentally, you are the biggest,
strongest person I know.

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Happy coming out party, Stewart.
Right, well,

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I would just like to raise a glass

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and say congratulations
on becoming a homosexual, Stewart.

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<font color="

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to admit he likes to put another
man's testicle in his mouth.

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Well, I don't necessar...
To Stewart.

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ALL: Stewart!

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THEY GROAN AND RETCH

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Here, Stewart...

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Down it.

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<font color="

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ALL: Down it! Down it! Down it!

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Down it! Down it!
Down it! Down it!

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Whoo!

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Christ! Is that the time?

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Well, I'd better get
the shop opened.

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Oh, my God, that is fucking dire.
<font color="

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No, I can't.

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Oh, that is bloody lovely.

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Good morning, carpet lovers.

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You've come at exactly
the right time

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because we've got some
cracking deals on our carpets today,

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so please come through.

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<font color="

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Hello.

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Hey, come on. Hey. Now, listen,

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them carpets won't bite you,
you know.

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HE CHUCKLES

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Oh, mate. You what?

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Yeah, do you want a carpet?
<font color="

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Nah, mate. You what?
Your carpets are shite, Keith.

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Come over here and say that,
you dickhead.

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HE SLURPS

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Mm!

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What sort of things does Andrea eat,
hon?

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<font color="
I think it's just lettuce and that.

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Oh. Poor Andrea.

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I'd shoot myself in the face
if I couldn't eat Jammie Dodgers.

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Where is Andrea, chick?

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What do you mean?

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I mean, where is Andrea?

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<font color="
to say it, to be honest.

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Well, she's here.

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No.

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That's strange.

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Andrea?

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What are we going to do, lads?

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I can't lose Andrea.
Mel's going to kill me.

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Andrea!

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<font color="
she can't have gone far,

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especially with those big,
stupid ears.

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You see, this is the reason
I don't keep livestock.

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Andrea! Andrea! Andrea!
<font color="

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Andrea!

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Yeah?

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Oh, sorry, not you.

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OK, plan.

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We're going to split up
into separate search parties.

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Er, Lucinda, Neil and Sal,
you're going to form one team.

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<font color="
you're going to come with me.

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Right, let's find Andrea.
ALL: Yeah!

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You know, it's funny, isn't it?

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What's funny, hon?

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We're all about to go on
a search party

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for Andrea the rabbit.

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<font color="
search party - life.

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What the fuck are you on about,
Neil?

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OK, let's go find Andrea.

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ALL: Yay!

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Greetings, carpet lovers.

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I'm Keith from
Keith's World of Carpets,

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<font color="

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Let me guess.

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Your beautiful
but overpowering wives

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have sent you here
to buy some thick, sturdy carpets.

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Am I right or am I right?

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We don't have wives.

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We're actually a couple.

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<font color="

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Oh, Christ, me gaydar
must be malfunctioning.

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Still, no worries, cos here
at Keith's World of Carpets

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you can be as homosexual
as you want to be.

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In fact, we're hosting
a coming out party today

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<font color="
that works here.

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Now, what is it you two
penis enthusiasts are looking for?

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Carpets, Keith. Well,
you've come to the right place.

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Follow me and I will show you
my carpet wonderland.

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<font color="

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I've just remembered -
I've got a sale on today.

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Right, let's get stuck in.

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Howay, lads!

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Andrea! Andrea! Andrea! Andrea.

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Does anyone else feel a bit
<font color="

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I wouldn't know, chick.
Couldn't keep it down.

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God-awful stuff.

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Andrea!

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Ooh! Andrea! Andrea!

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Andrea. Oh! Howay, Andrea,
you silly knobhead!

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<font color="
own a frigging rabbit is beyond me.

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Eh? Ugly, gormless, big-eared twats.

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Oh, that reminds me,
I need to pay Dickie back

172
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for those Metallica tickets.
You what?

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Oh! Oh! Oh, I forgot
you were with us.

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<font color="
that I need to transfer over

175
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the money for that Metallica concert
we went to.

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Hang on, though, what did you mean
by "that reminds me"?

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Huh? You were talking about
Andrea the rabbit

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<font color="

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What is it about ugly,
gormless Andrea

180
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that reminded you of me?

181
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Oh, it's nothing.
Just ignore me. I'm a dozy old cow.

182
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No, come on.

183
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Well, I just think you have
certain qualities about you

184
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<font color="

185
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You're joking, aren't you?
It's only little things.

186
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Like what? Well, your teeth,
your nose and your eyes.

187
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That's basically my whole face.

188
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I can't actually believe
I'm hearing this.

189
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<font color="
called names before,

190
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but never a frigging rabbit.

191
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Stewart, do you think
I look like a rabbit?

192
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Hmm?

193
00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:04,920
Do you think I look like a rabbit?

194
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:14,360
Erm...

195
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You know, guys, I really do feel
<font color="

196
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And I know it sounds weird,

197
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but I almost feel that the hand
of destiny is guiding me

198
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down a new path to help other people
in the queer community.

199
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Get over yourself, Stewart,
you annoying little rat.

200
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Oh, no!

201
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,480
<font color="

202
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What's the matter?

203
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Come on.

204
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Oh, come on, baby, yeah.

205
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Oh, that is so, so good.

206
00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:56,960
Oh, yeah. Oh. Oh-ho-ho...

207
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,280
DIAL-UP MODEM CHIRRUPS

208
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,680
Show it to me.

209
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,320
Oh, yeah,
that's what I'm talking about.

210
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,040
<font color="

211
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,680
Oh, sorry to intrude, Keith.

212
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,520
I needed to find a place to hide.

213
00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,920
All right, well, erm,
yeah, be my guest.

214
00:10:13,920 --> 00:10:16,240
Who is it, Mam?

215
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,680
Paula. Paula Radcliffe?

216
00:10:18,680 --> 00:10:20,720
Hey, if that Radcliffe bitch
<font color="

217
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:23,480
scrounging free carpet samples,
I will, swear to God...

218
00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,000
No, not Paula Radcliffe.

219
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,200
Paula, my ex-wife. What?!

220
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,040
Your ex-wife is here?

221
00:10:30,040 --> 00:10:32,320
But I thought you said
she'd moved to Bury St Edmunds.

222
00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,760
<font color="
why she's back.

223
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,800
But if she's here,

224
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:41,000
maybe that means he's here.

225
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,040
Who? Ed.

226
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,680
- Ed Miliband?
- If that Miliband twat is here...

227
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:48,480
No, not Ed Miliband.

228
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,160
My son, Ed.

229
00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,320
<font color="

230
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,960
I can't believe this is happening.

231
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,120
I think I'm going
to frigging hyperventilate.

232
00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,080
Right. I've got a plan.

233
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,120
Me and Stewart will go over and try
and eavesdrop on the conversation.

234
00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:04,200
If she says anything about Ed
<font color="

235
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,560
we'll let you know.

236
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,000
Howay, Stewart.

237
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:10,240
I said, howay!

238
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,800
I need to get out of here, Keith.

239
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,440
Can you take me
through the back door?

240
00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,080
I can get you out of here, Mam...

241
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,480
..but it ain't going to be easy.

242
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:29,160
<font color="
of mozzarella on top,

243
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,360
and then pop it in the oven
for about 45 minutes

244
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,440
until it's a deep golden colour
on top and crispy round the edges.

245
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,880
And that is the best way to cook
a beef lasagne from scratch.

246
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:38,320
<font color="

247
00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,920
how to cook a beef lasagne
from scratch, Neil.

248
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,560
How has Andrea
just disappeared into thin air?

249
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,200
Don't stress, hon, we'll find her.
She can't have gone far.

250
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,440
I mean, just how big is this place,
anyway?

251
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:50,320
<font color="

252
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,000
How the hell do you know that?

253
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,640
I've got freakishly
good spatial awareness,

254
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,520
and to be honest, my depth
perception's second to none.

255
00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:59,080
I mean, I never need to measure
a room when I buy new furniture.

256
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,760
<font color="
He can't get enough of measuring.

257
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:04,800
He owns 28 tape measures -
don't you, Neil?

258
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,840
Neil?

259
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,080
Neil!

260
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,800
Where the bloody hell did Neil go?

261
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,400
Andrea?

262
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,240
Andrea?

263
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:24,000
This is like a bloody rabbit warren.

264
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,160
<font color="

265
00:12:29,480 --> 00:12:30,640
Oh!

266
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,120
That's it, Keith.
I've made it out the air vent.

267
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,240
What now?

268
00:12:34,240 --> 00:12:36,920
Right. Now shimmy towards that roll
of mousey-grey carpet

269
00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:38,360
and squat down behind it.

270
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,920
But a warning -
Paula is very close.

271
00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:43,880
<font color="
to that one?

272
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,760
You'll see a manhole cover.

273
00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,720
Open it...and climb in.

274
00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:50,200
Oh, bloody hell!

275
00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,680
Cos the colours are very subtle.

276
00:12:55,680 --> 00:12:58,800
I've never noticed the softness
of Keith's carpet.

277
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,760
Shut up, Stewart, I can't hear
<font color="

278
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,480
Sorry, Dickie. I mean, I just can't
believe how soft they are.

279
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:05,680
We need to get closer.

280
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,480
I remember getting a carpet here
years ago.

281
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:12,160
Must have been 1993.

282
00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:16,080
The place hasn't changed a bit,
<font color="

283
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,160
Hey, sorry, listen to me
going on at you.

284
00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:20,000
You don't want my life story,
do you?

285
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:25,040
It's just weird to be back in Boro
after all these years.

286
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,200
Yeah, I've actually
<font color="

287
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:31,880
Hoping to start afresh,
you see.

288
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,360
Sorry, did you want a carpet or not?

289
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,720
Right. Yes. Sorry.

290
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,320
The carpet - of course.

291
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,760
There was one I saw
just over this way.

292
00:13:41,760 --> 00:13:43,680
HE GROANS

293
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,040
<font color="

294
00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:48,240
She's moved back to Boro from
Bury St Edmunds.

295
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:49,880
Stewart? Stewart!

296
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:52,920
What the fuck are you doing,
Stewart?

297
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,640
And then I went
to Aldi and I couldn't reach

298
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:00,960
the Shreddies on the top shelf.

299
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,120
<font color="
to help me.

300
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,960
But instead of handing me
the Shreddies,

301
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:07,840
he picks me up, puts me
on the top shelf

302
00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:09,760
and then just walks off.

303
00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,600
So I was up there for three hours.

304
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,120
It was in that moment
<font color="

305
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:15,760
"I am never wearing flat shoes
ever again."

306
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:18,880
Sal.

307
00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:23,960
Sorry, babe. I wasn't listening to
a word you said there. Cheers, hon.

308
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,600
I'm just really freaking out
about Andrea the rabbit.

309
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,080
Hey, Sal.

310
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,080
<font color="

311
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:32,320
Mel's never going to speak to me
again.

312
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,080
And, well...

313
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:35,800
..I really like her.

314
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,480
Look, I wouldn't worry, hon.
I'm sure we'll fi...

315
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,480
Hang on a minute.

316
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,680
Are you saying that you really
<font color="

317
00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:47,600
Or you really like her like,
"Hiya, Mel?"

318
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:49,600
It's more like...

319
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,240
.."Hiya, Mel."

320
00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:53,560
Oh. Yeah.

321
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,880
But what about Danny?

322
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:57,200
I don't know, babe.

323
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,760
You know we're here for you,
<font color="

324
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:00,800
Come on.

325
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:04,000
Let's go and see
if the others have had any luck.

326
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:07,760
I bet Neil's all over it.

327
00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,360
Whoa-a-a-a...

328
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,600
Hold.

329
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,200
Hold.

330
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:17,440
Hold.

331
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:19,920
All clear.

332
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:22,240
That was a close one, Keith.
<font color="

333
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:23,960
You're doing brilliantly, Mam.

334
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:27,120
Hello?

335
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,480
Hello?!

336
00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,200
You'd never know
me artificial grass is fake.

337
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,400
Go on. Touch it.

338
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:41,000
Feels good, doesn't it?

339
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,720
It feels SO real.

340
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,240
Right.

341
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,560
<font color="

342
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,280
and step on it.

343
00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:52,680
Go on, Neil. Step on it.

344
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,640
Ah! I'm free!

345
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:19,880
Woohoo-hoo!

346
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,680
There's so much grass!

347
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:26,560
Oh, God.

348
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,640
HE MOANS

349
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,360
HE SNORTS

350
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,280
Oh!

351
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:34,640
HE MOANS

352
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,480
<font color="

353
00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,400
Are you in position, Mam?

354
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,120
I am, Keith.

355
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,680
Marvellous. Now listen carefully,
Mam.

356
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:46,120
In five minutes, a fellow called
Dave is due back from his break.

357
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,200
Then he's going to push
the trolley through the shop,

358
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,400
<font color="

359
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,120
Now, when you feel him pushing you,

360
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,720
keep your head down, unless you want
Paula to see you.

361
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,120
Then, when you're in the warehouse,

362
00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:58,640
you can get out
and dash out the back door.

363
00:16:58,640 --> 00:16:59,680
Understand?

364
00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:01,400
<font color="

365
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,680
Good girl.

366
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:06,800
God...this is just like Vietnam.

367
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,280
HE SIGHS

368
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,200
She's just looking at carpets now.

369
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:21,760
You know, Dickie,
I feel really lucky.

370
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,880
What are you whining on about now,
Stewart?

371
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:26,760
<font color="
even though my grandma

372
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,160
doesn't approve of who I am,
I'm so lucky to have friends

373
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,920
who have showered me
with love and acceptance.

374
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:37,240
Not a lot of people have that,
but I do.

375
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,120
And so...

376
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:43,560
<font color="

377
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,000
You're doing my fucking nut in
today, you.

378
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,320
Oh! Oh!

379
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,720
Get off! Oh!

380
00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:53,560
Oh... Oh, for fuck's sake.

381
00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:55,560
It's frickin'
Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

382
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,920
Oh. Hiya, Harrison. Hiya, Bobby.

383
00:17:57,920 --> 00:17:59,640
<font color="

384
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,400
Uh, yeah. Listen,

385
00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:03,680
we heard what you've been through
with your grandma and that.

386
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:06,080
Yeah. Sorry, Stewart.
But from what everyone's said,

387
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,520
you've been really brave
about the whole situation.

388
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:10,280
Oh. Thanks, guys.

389
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:11,880
<font color="

390
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,480
I won't lie, but I'm really
feeling the love today.

391
00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:19,920
You know, not a lot of people
know this but, uh,

392
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:22,520
I had a hard time
coming out to my family as well.

393
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:24,440
Didn't your parents take you
<font color="

394
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,160
Mamma Mia! the musical
when you came out?

395
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,000
Yes, Harrison,
but I wanted to see Miss Saigon!

396
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,960
Stewart's not the only one
who's had it hard.

397
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:33,160
Well, I'll buy you a drink
next time I see you

398
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,920
<font color="
on your bravery, mate.

399
00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,280
Oh. Thank you, Harrison.

400
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,120
Boop.

401
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:42,880
Oh...

402
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,600
What are you two doing here, anyway?

403
00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,720
What do you think we're doing
in a carpet shop? Bowling?

404
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,280
We've actually moved in together,

405
00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,240
<font color="
for the new house.

406
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,920
Sorry, you've what? You've what?

407
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,720
Are you deaf, babe?
We've moved in together.

408
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,720
We're really excited about it,
aren't we, darling?

409
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,680
We are, yeah. Yeah, well...

410
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,400
<font color="

411
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,480
All right. Howay, babe.
I'm bored of this.

412
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,160
Let's fuck off to Dunelm.

413
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,680
Are you OK, Dickie? Course I'm OK,
Stewart.

414
00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,440
Why wouldn't I be?

415
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:19,920
I just...I just didn't know

416
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,720
<font color="
let alone living together.

417
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,080
You know, Dickie, Neil had a point

418
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:28,040
when he was talking all that
gibberish earlier.

419
00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,520
We all go through life searching
for different things, don't we?

420
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,200
And I think you're
<font color="

421
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,880
where you're simply searching...

422
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,720
..for someone to love.

423
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,600
Stop touching me, Stewart,
you greasy pervert!

424
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:46,920
Oh.

425
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,600
I look quite pretty.

426
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:56,600
Andrea.

427
00:19:58,320 --> 00:19:59,680
Andrea?

428
00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:01,120
Andrea?!

429
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,160
<font color="

430
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,840
WHOOSHING

431
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:08,880
WHISPERS: Hey.

432
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:11,520
Hey. But!

433
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:12,800
Neil.

434
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:13,960
It's you.

435
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,600
I'm glad you're enjoying
my artificial grass.

436
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,200
But there's someone who needs you.

437
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,280
Who?

438
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,200
<font color="

439
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:27,480
And only you can save her.

440
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,280
Only I can save her.

441
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,760
Go, Neil!

442
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,440
Go and save the rabbit.

443
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:34,800
I can't feel my legs.

444
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,320
Go, Neil! Andrea needs you.

445
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,000
I'm going to save the rabbit!

446
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:42,080
What the fucking hell
<font color="

447
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,120
Andrea.

448
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:51,160
Yeah. Then there was, uh, Karen.

449
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,000
She was my third wife.

450
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,600
Or was she my fourth? Anyway.

451
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:58,160
Anyway, she was a right bell end,
her. Took me to the cleaners.

452
00:20:58,160 --> 00:21:00,920
So that's all right,
<font color="

453
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,360
So I went to Fiji.

454
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,200
But don't ask me about Fiji.

455
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,680
Oh, well,
since you asked me about Fiji,

456
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:07,440
let me tell you about Fiji.

457
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,480
Fiji.

458
00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:10,720
Here.

459
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:12,040
Where's Mam? Here.

460
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:15,480
<font color="

461
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:16,680
Oh, my God, there she is.

462
00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:18,200
But if you want to talk to her,

463
00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:19,240
speak there.

464
00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,960
Mam? Can you hear me?

465
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,440
MUMBLES

466
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,440
..ready.

467
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,520
Listen, not sure how to tell you
this,

468
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,320
but she's moved back to the area.

469
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,760
<font color="

470
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:33,360
Who the hell are you calling
an evil cow?

471
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,960
S-Sorry. Not you.

472
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,920
Any luck finding Andrea?
Who the fuck's Andrea?

473
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,600
The rabbit we're all
meant to be looking for.

474
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,920
Oh, yeah. No luck, I'm afraid.

475
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:46,480
<font color="

476
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,960
Hang on. You've got CCTV, Keith?

477
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,800
Oh, aye. This shop is completely
covered.

478
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,840
No thieving bastard is going to nick
my carpets and get away with it!

479
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,320
Maybe we'll be able to see Andrea
on the cameras.

480
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,600
Good idea.

481
00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:10,080
<font color="

482
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,760
What the hell is he doing?

483
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,240
Andrea.

484
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,800
Andrea.

485
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:18,840
Andrea!

486
00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,640
Where are you going, Andrea?

487
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,280
For God's sake!

488
00:22:52,480 --> 00:22:54,400
Curiouser and curiouser.

489
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,120
How the hell...?

490
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,760
Andrea!

491
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,520
<font color="
If you hop off that edge,

492
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,160
you'll hop to your death.

493
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,600
A-Andrea!

494
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:13,400
Yeah?

495
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,200
Uh! Oh, sorry. Not... Not you.

496
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,280
SHE TUTS

497
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,240
What's Stewart doing up there?

498
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,560
I can't lie, he does not look good
on camera.

499
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,840
<font color="

500
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,800
She looks like she's about to
bunny dive off that shelving unit.

501
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,520
No!

502
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,680
Godspeed,
you beautiful little weirdos.

503
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:41,400
Oh, shit. She's there.

504
00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:52,000
Stewart!

505
00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,880
Why are you trying to push Andrea
<font color="

506
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,760
I'm trying to save her,
but she's not listening to me.

507
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,000
You've got to grab her.
I'm too scared.

508
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,160
If I get too close to her,
she'll hop off.

509
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:03,280
THEY GASP

510
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,560
We did it, Mam. You're in the
<font color="

511
00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:09,800
Oh!

512
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,520
HE SCREAMS

513
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,160
Mission accomplished, Keith.
Cheers, chick.

514
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:24,320
You're joking, aren't you?

515
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,720
MAM CRIES OUT

516
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,560
Ugh! What's the frickin' point?

517
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,640
Stewart!

518
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,640
GASPS

519
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,120
<font color="

520
00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:47,200
Oh, I think I've got an idea!

521
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,160
What's going on here?!

522
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:50,440
Long story short,

523
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,520
Andrea's about to jump,
and Stewart's making it worse.

524
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,120
Grab this. We need to position it
underneath Andrea in case she falls.

525
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,240
It's all dusty.

526
00:24:58,240 --> 00:24:59,560
<font color="

527
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,400
over there. What are you doing?!
ALL SPEAK AT ONCE

528
00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:04,760
Pull it, pull it.
What are you doing?!

529
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:06,600
Ow!

530
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,720
I've got carpet burn now!

531
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,800
Forget it, it's not going to work.

532
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,040
HE GASPS

533
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,600
<font color="

534
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:16,880
Oh, my God. It's... It's Neil.

535
00:25:16,880 --> 00:25:19,520
He's on a scissor lift. Andrea!

536
00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,720
What's he doing on a scissor lift?

537
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:23,360
I'm coming to save you!

538
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,680
Yes, Neil! Go on, Neil!
You can do it, Neil!

539
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,000
Oh, go, Neil, go!
<font color="

540
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,280
Keep going, Neil.

541
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,400
Oh, he's like a soaring eagle.

542
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:35,840
Go on, king kestrel.

543
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:37,240
EPIC MUSIC STOPS

544
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:38,840
SCISSOR LIFT WHIRS

545
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,920
EPIC MUSIC RESUMES

546
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,120
Go on, Neil! Come on, Neil!

547
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:46,400
Come on, chick, you can do it!
<font color="

548
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:49,400
HE EXCLAIMS

549
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:50,560
Oh, heights!

550
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:51,720
We're high.

551
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:55,600
EPIC MUSIC STOPS

552
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,520
THEY GROAN

553
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,520
Oh, Neil!

554
00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,200
Dirty chunder!

555
00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:00,840
THEY GROAN

556
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:02,440
NEIL GURGLES

557
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:03,600
Oh, bloody hell, Neil.

558
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,040
<font color="

559
00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,720
Andrea's life is in your hands now.

560
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:10,560
It's all down to you.

561
00:26:13,720 --> 00:26:15,920
It's all down to me.

562
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:21,000
Andrea, please don't jump.

563
00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,120
You've got so much to live for.

564
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,200
Hey, look at me.

565
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,520
I know you're scared, but it's OK.

566
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:34,080
We're your family now.

567
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:40,120
<font color="
and it's OK that you're gay.

568
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:41,520
I'm gay too.

569
00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,800
It's time for you
to live your truth, Andrea.

570
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,320
I mean, when you think about it,

571
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,800
aren't we all just
lil' gay rabbits?

572
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,600
I've got her!

573
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,240
<font color="

574
00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:10,600
Rabbit! Rabbit! Rabbit!

575
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:11,840
Hey!

576
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,640
Who's chucked up all over me floor?!

577
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,360
MUFFLED: Sorry.

578
00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:19,600
You twat!

579
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,360
Sorry.

580
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,480
Wow. Dickie does look
a bit like a rabbit.

581
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,960
<font color="

582
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:38,480


583
00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,120


584
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:45,720


585
00:27:45,720 --> 00:27:51,000


586
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,120